I Have a 6 Month Old!

Hard to believe that 6 months have come and gone so quickly!! It is just crazy to think that Austin is 6 months old. Before I know it, we'll be celebrating his one year old birthday. It's amazing to go back to our pictures from January and see how much he has changed. He looks so different, yet exactly the same!

A few weeks ago we had an impromptu visit to the doctor's office. That Saturday night after Austin had been asleep for several hours, he woke up screaming and crying. We couldn't figure out why but it took about two hours to get him back to sleep. Justin was still awake when he started crying and I woke up and heard him just a few minutes later. When I went into his room to see what was going on, he sounded extremely congested and hoarse. He had been fighting his sleep pretty much all day so he had been fussing and crying more than normal and I was hoping that was the reason for him sounding hoarse. To be honest, I immediately thought something was wrong with his breathing and it took a while for me to realize I was overreacting. The next morning he was still really congested but the hoarseness was gone. He did the same thing again that night and it took about an hour to get back to sleep that time. I started thinking that maybe he had an ear infection due to all the congestion and maybe that was why he was crying. I called the doctor Monday morning and took him in for a checkup. He was weighing 15 pounds 15 ounces, which was less than I was expecting and hoping for. Good news though, his ears looked great and the doc sent us on our way. Luckily he did not have any other episodes and we are still fighting the congestion, although it is much better than it was then.

He goes back for his 6 month checkup next Thursday (a little late) and I am really hoping that he has gained some more weight. I was surprised at how little he had gained since his 4 month checkup because the little guy eats!! I'm trying not to let it concern me but I would feel better if he could pack on at least another pound or two. We will start solids after the next appointment so maybe that will help!

This past weekend was a busy one. Justin's grandparents came in town from Hattiesburg so we spent Friday night and most of the day Saturday at his parents house visiting and eating. Austin enjoyed playing with Caesar, their 120 pound lab! He has gotten to where any time he sees an animal, he starts waving his arms and squeeling, smiling and laughing! It is the cutest thing to see him get so excited over a furry friend. We have decided we might want to get a dog sooner than later :) He has always loved watching Lola, especially her big, fluffy tail. But cats are weird and when he gets excited it scares her off so he never gets to pet her. Caesar doesn't mind him at all and I look forward to the day when Austin is crawling and moving around and so that he can crawl and love all over Caesar.

Sunday we went to our friend Scott's parents house out on Logan Martin lake in Pell City. They have a pool and we were so excited to get Austin in it! He loves bath time so I knew he would love the water. He didn't get quite as excited as we were hoping and thinking he would, but he was so chilled out and laid back, so we could tell that he was enjoying it. We got him a float to sit in but it didn't work the way it was supposed to. Maybe he needs to grow a little more. We put his legs in the leg holes but he seemed to just topple forwards or backwards if we did that. So we just let him lay back in and float around. He also enjoyed being carried around in the pool so that he could splash his arms everywhere!! I had trouble finding a hat that would fit his head and the closest thing I could find to work were these flimsy visors that barely stayed on. Oh well, it got the job done! He didn't fuss all day long and did great until someone jumped off the diving board and he accidentally got splashed. It took about 5 seconds before he got freaked out and it only took about 10 more to calm him down. It was pretty funny actually because he had been splashing himself all day and didn't seem to mind!

Once he got tired, we put him in his swing for a nap in the shade. Life is so tough, right?
I love how he has started to use his feet to play with things!
6 Months Old!He started sitting up unassisted a little over a week ago! He's doing so good!Loving on Caesar!Life is Good!

Adventures of the Swaddle

So over the last week we have had some interesting nights involving the Swaddle. Austin has been swaddled pretty much since the day he was born, give or take a few naps in the crib and the nights he spent in the jaundice bed. The few times he slept in his crib without being swaddled, he would move around quite a bit and keep his arms thrown up at his head. It was almost impossible to keep him covered up and this was when it was cold, so he needed to be kept warm. This is how we would lay him down in the crib.

And this is how he would end up, completely shifted and near the bumper.

We even tried to use a sleep sack a few times. He loved his "sprinkler" pose so much that it was the only way to keep him warm since he wouldn't keep his arms under the blanket.

Eventually, when he got accustomed to his bedtime routine, he started to know that the swaddle meant bedtime. For months he has loved being swaddled at night and has never put up a fight. All of a sudden last weekend, he started to fight the swaddle at bedtime. We would lay him down in the crib swaddled up, and if he fought it, then he worked himself into a sweat and we would eventually have to take him out of it to cool him off. He stayed with Justin's parents last Saturday night and they said that he was put down in the crib by 9:00 but he kept maneuvering himself out of the swaddle. After putting him back in it a few times, they finally decided to leave him unswaddled until he fell asleep. They said he laid in the crib until well past 10:00 and played before he finally fell asleep. This is one of the reasons why we swaddle him - he KNOWS it's bedtime when he's swaddled. So if you take him out of it, he lays in there and plays and talks to himself until finally he wears himself out and he falls asleep.

The other reason why we want him swaddled is because he hasn't quite mastered rolling over from his back to his belly yet. He gets about 90% of the way there and then can't quite get over his bottom arm. One day I know he will and I want that to be when he's not in his crib in the middle of the night. I want to make sure that he will be able to get himself back over onto his back if he wants to. He is very good at rolling from belly to back but he's never done it in a confined space like his crib, so I really want to make sure that he has room and doesn't get his face stuck in the bumper where he can't breathe. Yes, I know I'm probably being very paranoid about it but I can't help it, and I wouldn't sleep knowing he was in his crib roaming free!

So Monday night, it was just Austin and I, and he absolutely would not be swaddled at bedtime. I decided to put him down and let him play until he fell asleep, then I would go swaddle him then. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep and when I realized that I couldn't hear him playing anymore, I ran into his room to check on him and this is how I found him.

Prime example of why we want him swaddled - he's a wild man when he sleeps! He's just all over the place!! He loves to nap with blankets and keeps them pulled over his face, and he does the same thing in his crib.

Tuesday night we went through the same thing, only this time it only took about five minutes for him to fall asleep. This is how I found him Tuesday night.

Wednesday night, same thing. We decided to try the next size up swaddle that we bought for him about a month ago. We decided that since he had outgrown the maximum weight on the small one, it was time for the medium. The first night we tried it, it almost swallowed him whole and there was no way of keeping him inside it. So it went back in the drawer and made a reappearance Wednesday night. We figured maybe he didn't like his old ones anymore because he was just TOO confined, and this one gave him a little more wiggle room. Once he fell asleep and I got him swaddled, I took this picture to show how he SHOULD sleep when he's swaddled.

Thursday morning he woke up on his own, and I guess he had been awake long enough to want to move around some because this is how we found him when we got up!

Somehow he got his arms and legs out of the swaddle, but it stayed velcroed across his belly! This is how he earned the nickname Harry Houdini from Justin's parents. I guess we'll keep fighting this battle until we feel comfortable enough to unswaddle him all night. The last few nights we've had no problem but it seems to vary each night. And in case you were wondering, he's not sleeping in the same onesie every night - he has six that are exactly alike!

Other than that, he is being such a good baby! His newest thing is to tuck his bottom lip in and make "mmmmm" sounds - constantly. It can be rather annoying at times because he is non-stop with it, but at the same time, it's better than crying!! I'm not sure what it is about the sound that he likes, but we're hoping he grows out of it and into a new sound soon! Here are some more recent pics. I can't believe that he is 5 months old now!


Those are his 4 month pictures. It's amazing to see how much he's grown!

His new trick! He now loves playing with his feet. Won't be long before they're in his mouth!

Fun in the Jumparoo

We broke Austin's jumparoo out last weekend and boy did we have fun with it!! His face lit up as soon as he got in there. If you turn it on, with every bounce he makes the music plays, things light up and the animals make noises. His feet don't actually touch the ground yet, but we improvised! Unfortunately, all of my really good pictures are not uploading form my camera for some reason.

My daily parenting newsletter said that jumparoo's, Bumbo seats and Johnny Jump's would help strengthen their core, which would enable them to sit up easier. So I figured, why not try it out? We also have a Johnny Jump that was given to us as a gift, and unfortunately the box was missing a part so we're going to have to take it back and exchange it. I can't wait to see him get going in that thing!! If he likes it half as much as the jumparoo then we're in for a treat!

Austin has been such a great night time guy lately. His routine is pretty much never off which I think helps a lot. We come home around 5:30 and play with him for a few minutes or let him sleep in the carseat if he falls asleep on the way home. Then he eats his rice cereal and plays until he is sleepy. He then takes a nap in his swing until we wake him up for his bedtime bottle at 8. After he eats, he gets his bath and then goes right to bed. He never puts up a fight and as soon as his head hits the crib, he has a hard time keeping his eyes open. It's so sweet to see him fall asleep and to walk in and hear his little snores. He has gotten to be very attached to his blankets. When he sleeps in the swing, we always put a blanket over him. Rather than just letting it lay across him, he grabs it with his hands and pulls it over his face. If you try to move it, he either fusses or just pulls it back. So we have started letting him do this and just keeping an eye on him to make sure it isn't covering his nose to where he can't breath. He's pretty good about making sure his nose is exposed, as you can see in the picture below. I don't know what it is about having the blanket up at his face but his teachers at daycare have been telling me that he does the same thing at school. We swaddle him at night so we don't have to worry about anything then. It's so funny to watch him bury his face into the blanket. I don't know if the softness of it comforts him or what, but it's definitely cute to watch him do it.

We are very much looking forward to tonight and tomorrow night - we are huge LOST fans and the show is ending tomorrow night. They are showing the pilot episode tonight, then we get 5 1/2 hours of LOST tomorrow!! We are so excited but it is also bittersweet, as we really hate to send this show end.

Justin's job requires him to travel during the summer months, and his traveling begins Monday. I'm not looking forward to this, as it means I will become a single parent for a few days every week until August. That means getting up earlier, which will probably be the hardest thing for me since I am NOT a morning person. I will cherish the bonding that Austin and I will do this summer and I do look forward to having so much one on one time with him, but we will both miss Justin a lot.

Hope you are all enjoying this beautiful weekend. I'm definitely looking forward to an afternoon walk with Austin later! Here are a few pics to share. Thanks for reading!

Not quite there yet!

Our improvisational skills

Austin hanging out in the kitchen while we cook breakfast

Sleeping after his bedtime bottle - love those squishy cheeks and lips!


Fun in the jumparoo!

4 months old

Hanging out with Mommy

Another Week Goes By

What a great weekend we had! I spent Saturday morning at the spa getting a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. Is it possible to start a day any better than that? I came home to a happy and smiling baby boy who did not fuss the entire day. Justin and I took a some time away in the afternoon for us to pick up Justin's new truck. Austin went to bed around 8:45 and we watched The Hangover before we went to bed. Austin was so happy all day and even though I didn't get to spend the entire day with him, it was a really nice, relaxing day. Sunday we were only able to get about 20 minutes of a walk in before the rain started to fall.  Luckily I hadn't gotten very far and it was only slightly sprinkling.  I got back home before the bottom fell out but I was disappointed that we didn't get to walk very long (I really needed the exercise!).  Austin amazingly stayed awake through the whole thing so I hate that he didn't get to enjoy more time outside

He has been really good this week except for one day at school when he ran a low grade temp (99.9). I could tell as soon as I walked into his classroom that he wasn't feeling well and he really wasn't himself for the rest of the night. His temperature went back to normal but he really didn't seem to feel well all night. But the next day he was back to his usual self!

We're still feeding him rice cereal once a day and he is doing so well with it! He finishes his bowl in less than 5 minutes and we hardly have any on his face or bib by the time we're done. I hope this is a sign that he is going to be a good eater! I really can't wait to start feeding him solids because I'm so looking forward to all the faces he's going to make when he tastes different things. And I'm so excited to see what he's going to love and what he's going to hate. What a fun adventure it should be!!

We changed up his schedule last weekend and it seems to be working perfectly.  When the doctor hinted that he wanted us to feed him more, we decided that since we were planning to move around his schedule that weekend, we would go ahead and increase his bottles then too.  Austin was never acting like he was still hungry after he would finish a 4oz bottle so we always assumed that he was full and happy.  In hindsight, he was probably full enough at the time, but it probably wasn't holding him over the entire three hours before his next feeding, which would explain his random bouts of fussiness during the day.  The first few times we offered more than 4oz, he was consistently stopping right at 4.  Finally he started eating 5oz, then 6oz and sometimes even 7oz at a feeding.  Last Sunday he went from eating 24oz to 31oz all day!  I think the doctor was right...  He is now eating every 3 1/2 hours instead of every 3 and he's going to bed an hour earlier at 8:00.  It has caused us to adjust our schedule as well and we're still getting used to having to have dinner cooked, eaten and cleaned up by 8:00!  It works out better for everyone, we just have to get in the habit of starting dinner earlier than we used to.  The Babywise schedule continues to be our model and it has worked like a charm since the day we started it.  I told a friend this week that I can't imagine not having a set schedule to go by. I think our life would be much more hectic, confusing and crazy without one!

Austin is just so amazing and I couldn't feel more blessed to be his Mommy.  He's the cutest thing I've ever seen and he makes me smile just thinking of him.  Last night after we put him down, I stood outside his room to see if he was going to put up a fight or not.  His paci came out after a minute or so and instead of rushing to put it back in before he got fussy, I stood there to see what he was going to do.  All of a sudden he starting "talking" and blowing raspberries and bubbles.  He did this for a few minutes before I decided to put the paci back in, but it was the sweetest thing hearing him entertain himself!  Justin and I both just stood there listening to him, laughing and smiling at the noises he was making.  I can't wait for the nights when he starts to talk himself to sleep.  I have a feeling Justin and I will get many more smiles and laughs out of that!

I'll try to get some pictures posted soon, but I must say I'm pretty happy about getting another update posted so quickly!! :). I hope everyone has a great week and thanks for reading!

Maybe a Laptop Would Help??

Since I can't seem to find enough time to get away for 30 minutes and sit down at the computer to type out a blog post, maybe it would help if I had a laptop (yes we are slightly behind on the laptop thing)? Then I could sit ANYwhere and blog. Anyone have one to spare?

I can hardly believe it's been so long since I actually wrote about Austin! My last post about Pink was written over the course of a few days, and for the most part was written during down time at work. Wonder if I can blog from my Blackberry...?

Anyways, Austin is growing so much everyday!! He had his four month checkup last week. Four months!! That is just so hard to believe! He now weighs 14.1 lbs and is growing more everyday! He is at such a fun stage right now - he smiles, talks (okay he coo's), plays, blows bubbles and sticks his tongue out!
He even rolled over a few weeks ago!! I couldn't believe it and was so happy that he did it right in front of us and not at daycare or with us in the other room! I had just read earlier that day that most babies roll over from belly to back first, so I decided he should have a little extra tummy time that night. I put him down and not five seconds later he was rolled over looking up at us like, "Look what I did!!!" Of course he refuses to do it if the video camera is on. It took a few weeks and a couple of rolls before I was able to catch it on video. Once I did, I got it twice!

We are now giving him rice cereal once a day per the doctor's orders. The first time he tried it did not go so well. It was very liquid-y, per the directions on the box, and he basically just pushed it out with his tongue. I'm pretty sure there was none swallowed on that first try. The next few nights he did better, and although I don't think he actually ate any, it was good practice. Friday night, he ate the entire bowl!! I was so amazed and proud of him! It was awesome to see him learning right in front of our eyes. One night he had no clue what to do with it, the next night he ate it like a champ!! That's MY boy!!

In about two months when he hits his six month mark we will be ready to start solids. Fruits and vegetables galore!! I sure hope he likes his veggies more than his Mommy does!! I really hope we don't have a picky eater on our hands. As much as I love food, I would give anything to not be so picky. It's hard finding things to eat when you only like so much, so I hope that is not a problem that we have with him!

Today is Mother's Day! My very first one. It couldn't be going any better! I got to sleep in until 9:30, then I woke up to coffee, roses and cards from Justin and Austin. Inside one of the cards was a gift certificate for a 5 hour spa package!!! I cannot wait to use that thing! I also got a breakfast of homemade french toast, bacon and Mimosa's!! YUMMY! After Austin's nap we are taking a family stroll on this beautiful day. Although it is bittersweet to not spend Mother's Day with my mom, I know she is happy for me and she knows how much I love and appreciate her! Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommies out there! I hope your day was extra special!

I am on borrowed time right now as Austin should be waking from his nap any minute so I'll go ahead and wrap things up. I hope I still have a few readers still left out there, after not updating this thing in so long! Thanks for reading if you're still out there, I really appreciate it and it means a lot! Hopefully I'll have another update sooner than later! Hope everyone has a great week!

Below are just some more of my favorite pictures over the last few weeks. Hope you enjoy!!


Sitting in the Bumbo seat for the first time!

Playing on his playmat

The 2nd go at rice cereal

"I've had enough!!"

New shades from Aunt Jenn!

In Loving Memory of Pink Floyd Vinson September 2000 - March 2010

This post is very long so be prepared if you decide to read. It is with an extremely heavy heart that I write this post...

Pink was maybe three weeks old when we got her. I had some friends in college that found her and two others on the side of the road. They were starving and their mother was presumably dead, as she was nowhere around to take care of them. Thankfully, my friends took the kittens and tried to find homes for them. I'm not sure what possessed me to want one, other than the fact that I grew up with a cat and a dog, have always been an animal lover, and I was finally living in a house (rather than a dorm) that would allow me to take one in and care for it. Justin and I had been dating about six months and he went with me to pick out which kitty we wanted. Pink stuck out to us for some reason...maybe because she was the runt. Right after we got her, I had to make a trip home to Decatur to pick up my car and return the rental car I had been driving after being in a car wreck a few weeks earlier. Pink was so tiny that she fit into the cup holder of the rental car and rode the whole way home in it. My mom helped give Pink her first bath. She was covered in fleas and was so dirty. She fit so snugly in the palm of my mom's hand and just cried the whole time she was getting that bath. My step-dad was allergic to cats so we made a "kennel" for her out of a cardboard box and blankets and set up house for her in the garage for the weekend. She was just the cutest, sweetest little thing. Let me back up a second - the Pink I am referring to was actually called Floyd at the time. Justin and I, having no experience in "sex-ing" cats, wrongly assumed that Pink was a boy. We are big Pink Floyd fans and after a long discussion, we decided that the cat was to be called Floyd. When we got back in Tuscaloosa we took her to the vet, where we learned that Floyd was indeed a girl. Floyd became Pink, and after a few shots and an examination, we were on our way with a cute, furry addition to our family.

Bringing Pink into my home at the time was probably one of the worst ideas I ever had. I lived with five other girls, one of whom had two - not one, but two - labs, one of which was a puppy. Another one of my roommates also had a dog, so needless to say, Pink has never been a fan of the canines and has been terrified of dogs ever since. She mostly stayed in my room away from the dogs, but there were times where she got chased up and down our enormous hallway, slipping and sliding on the hardwood floors. Justin and I would spend a lot of time at his apartment too and Pink was always riding back and forth with me. The drive wasn't long, maybe half a mile, but she loved to sit in my back windshield and watch the world go by. She was always really good riding in a car, as long as she wasn't trapped in her carrier. She didn't always have the best of times when she was at Justin's apartment though. here were times when I would leave her there while I went to class, and the boys didn't waste the opportunity to have some fun with her (tying strings to her tail, wrapping her in aluminum foil, etc). I think they unleashed the inner b*tch in Pink because she seemed to develop a slight attitude around that time.

I don't know when it started, but Pink became my constant shadow over the years. You know how they say that a dog is a man's best friend? Well, I guess that statement rings true for cats too - except maybe that means that a cat is a woman's best friend. Anyways, Pink and I were the best of friends. She was at my heels every step I took. We could have conversations with each other - she was a very vocal cat and would talk to anyone that talked to her. If I was sitting, she was in my lap. If I was lying down, she was lying on top of me. We have been constant companions for ten years. There are few people that have come into Pink's life over the last ten years that she has actually liked. As a matter of fact, I can probably count them on one hand....maybe two, but that's pushing it. She was just very particular about who she liked and who she let pet her, but her mommy was the one person that she held no boundaries against. And even with me sometimes, she was pretty particular. She would come and sit on my lap and I would start petting her, then all of a sudden she would be growling at me. TSometimes she just liked to sit on you without being touched. If she didn't want you to pet her, she let you know. She would meow and growl at you until you stopped. This made many people think that Pink was mean, a b*tch, evil, whatever. And from the outside looking in, she probably did appear to be all of those things. But she wasn't at all...she was just picky :)

Pink has always suffered from urinary track infections and has been on special food for them for a few years now. Since she has been on the special food, she has not had a UTI at all. All of a sudden a few weeks ago, she started showing the signs of one. We took her to the vet to check and sure enough, she had one. We thought this was very weird that she would have one all of a sudden. Not to mention for the last few months, she has seemed a little more ornery than normal. We use that word because it seemed like she had become an ornery old man - you know how men get in their old age, just picky and ornery - I can't even think of another word to use. Anyways, Pink has seemed a little more ornery than usual and would always growl at Lola (our other cat) when she got too close to her. We couldn't figure out why she was doing this but just chalked it up to old age. We just assumed that Pink was getting old and was just a little more particular than normal. So after a few weeks of being over the UTI, Pink seemed like she was back to normal.

On Sunday night, March 28, I woke up in the middle of the night. Pink was lying right next to me, snuggled up under my arm like my little teddy bear (this is how we typically slept every night, with her under my arm and snuggled up next to me). I pulled her in closer to me and noticed that where I was holding her was on her belly. She normally hates to be touched there, like most cats, but she didn't seem to mind then. I remember thinking how weird that was but I went back to sleep and didn't think much of it other than how I thought it was a little odd. Monday morning when I woke up, she sat on the bed and just hung out in the same spot all morning. Nothing out of ordinary, just being lazy as usual. When I came home from work Monday afternoon, I went to our room and there Pink was, in the same exact spot I left her in that morning. I immediately became concerned - she didn't get up to come greet me, she didn't meow at me, nothing. She just sat there. I went over to pet her and love on her and she just seemed different. Her fur looked weird, she had a funny smell about her and she just seemed extremely lethargic. I became worried that she hadn't eaten or been to the bathroom all day so I tried to get her up and moving around. She wasn't having any of that. Finally I got her to get up and jump down off the bed. I followed her all the way to the litter box and she slowly made her way there, went in and did #1 and came out. Slowly she made her way back upstairs and went right back to that same spot on the bed. At this point I became very worried. I had Justin check on her too just to make sure I wasn't overreacting and he felt the same way as I did - something was wrong. I called the vet to see if we could go ahead and bring her in and they had closed 15 minutes prior to my phone call. So we decided not to call the emergency vet and just see how she was in the morning. She didn't move all night long and was in the same spot when I woke up the next morning. She still smelled funny, her fur still looked weird...pretty much nothing had changed. I was so worried about her.

Justin dropped her off at the vet that morning and they called me a little while later to give me an update on her. The first thing the vet said was that Pink was very sick...her temp was 106.6 (normal for a cat is about 102) and she was dehydrated. They started her on an IV and began doing blood work. The vet began preparing me for the worst. She started going over the tests they were going to do (blood work, x-rays) and told me she would call me when she finished the tests. A little while later the vet called back. The first thing she asked me was if I was somewhere private away from my co-workers. I said no and asked if I should be. When she said yes I knew something was terribly wrong. I had already been crying all morning because I was so worried about her and all I kept saying in my head all morning was "my cat is dying". I just knew she was dying. Once I got to a private area, the vet told me that the blood work showed no white blood cells. None. Her immune system was pretty much nonexistent. She said she wanted to test and see if Pink had feline leukemia or feline AIDS, but that it could also be something in her bone marrow. Pink only had a few more days of life left in her. She said that we could look into doing a blood transfusion but she thought it would only buy her a few more days and then we would be right back where we were then. Basically we had a decision to make....put her to sleep or go ahead with the blood transfusion and buy her a little more time. I just couldn't bare to see my baby suffer so we made the decision of "humane euthanasia". I really hate that term. It's just so hard to feel that what you're doing is humane at the time. I know we made the right decision but don't throw in the word "humane" to make me feel better about it.

Once I gave her the decision she said she recommended it be done before the day was over so that Pink wasn't suffering any longer than she had to. I called Justin, left work and went to the vet to wait on him to get there. I was able to spend about 45 minutes alone with Pink before Justin got there. She sat in my lap and purred the entire time. I couldn't have asked for a better way for her to spend her final moments - purring in her Mommy's lap. I was just so happy to hear her purr and not crying. It's pretty rare that Pink purrs when she's at the vet's office so I don't know if she sensed something or was just happy to see her Mommy. I'm sure she felt somewhat better after getting some fluids in her but I knew it was just temporary. The vet came in and told us that the test for leukemia and AIDS both came back negative and that she had narrowed it down to possibly being cancer in her bone marrow, although we'll never really know. The lack of immune system explains why she all of a sudden got another UTI after not having one for years...her little body just wasn't strong enough to fight it off anymore. So Justin and I spent a few final moments with her and then the doctor came in with the injection. I decided to hold Pink the whole time so that her final moments were in my arms. I had no idea how hard that would actually be on me, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. The vet had to put the injection in slowly and bless her heart, she just cried with us the entire time. She just kept saying, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" the whole time. I finally felt Pink's body go and I thought my heart was breaking. I cannot describe how Justin and I felt in that moment. It was the hardest thing he and I have ever had to do together and it tore us both apart. She was our first "baby" together and we've been through a lot with Pink in the last 10 years.
I wanted to just sit in there and hold Pink's body as long as I could but I knew I couldn't and that I just needed to let her go. Justin told me "Just let her go, baby" and I handed her over to the vet. She put her in a little coffin for us and we took her home and buried her in the backyard. We had our own little memorial for her and spent the rest of the afternoon crying with each other, looking through old pictures and talking about all the old times we had with her.

It's been two weeks now and I still cry about it every day. I look forward to the day when I no longer think about Pink and cry for the sadness I feel and the pain that envelops my heart. I want to be able to look back at our time together and smile at the memories instead of cry over the loss. The first few days were the hardest. Every time I walked into our bedroom I looked up expecting to see her on the bed. A shoe in the floor would catch my eye and I would immediately think it was Pink. All of those things made my heart break all over again each time. Coming home from work was the worst, when she wasn't there at the stairs ready to greet me as I walked in. Lola has mourned I think. It took her a few days though...maybe she thought Pink was just still at the vet, I don't know. That day when we came home, I changed clothes and put the shirt I was wearing on the bed. I actually put it in the same spot Pink had been lying in the last few days, and when Lola jumped up on the bed, she sniffed my shirt and that spot for a pretty long time. I don't know if animals can smell death or not, but she seemed like she knew something wasn't right. Once she started acting a little sad, it just broke my heart once again. She seems back to normal now and maybe one day we'll be ready to get her another friend. Right now the wound is still open and I know it will take it a long time to heal. Life goes on. It's been a long time since I have experienced a loss and you forget about how bad the pain is. I physically hurt from the pain in my heart. It's better now than it was, but it's still there. I'm sure in a way, it will never go away. I will look back on the last 10 years and cherish the time we had with Pink. I will revel in the memories and the happy times. I will fill the void in my heart and I will be able to look at her picture and smile. My heart will heal and the pain will subside. One day.....just not today.

I love you Pink Floyd Vinson.