Wednesday, May 23, 2012

An Update

Once again, I’ve fallen behind on the blog. I figured now was a great time to pick it back up, as we have had some major life changes in the last few months – we’re expecting baby #2!!

This was a very big surprise pregnancy for us, as we weren’t even sure if we wanted another baby. We have always thought of ourselves as becoming a family of four, but as the time went on with Austin, we felt so complete with just the three of us. Austin is our world, and it was hard to imagine sharing that world with another baby. Apparently, God felt otherwise!

On January 31, I was already a day late, which was very unusual for me. However, the month of January was extremely stressful, with Justin being out of town for a week at the same time that I found a lump in my breast (all is fine). Of course, all of this was going on around my ovulation time, which apparently played a bigger role than I thought. I track my cycles very diligently, as birth control has not agreed with my body since Austin was born. I knew things were a little “off”, but at the same time, Justin and I thought we were being careful and taking the necessary precautions to avoid a pregnancy. We thought wrong.

So we’re at a baby shower for a dear friend, telling friends how we’re not sure if we even want a second baby, all the while I’m a day late and pregnant and have no idea. We decided that because my cycle was a little off this month that I was probably just late due to the circumstances….even though I’m never late. By Tuesday, I figured I was late enough and it was time to take a test.

That morning before work, I took a test that I had at home. It wasn’t a digital one, but one with the lines. The line appeared but it was very faint. I was convinced I was pregnant but Justin was still skeptical. I brought the test to work to show one of my best friends to get her opinion. She agreed with me. We decided to go at lunch to get a digital one so there would be no question. Since Justin was out of town again until Thursday, I went ahead and took it because there was no way I could wait. And of course, it said “pregnant” as clear as day.

I wish I could say that I was overcome with joy, like I was when I found out I was pregnant with Austin. But I wasn’t. In fact, I was terrified and cried my eyes out. I cried for two days straight. I had so many fears and so many worries that I could not see past at the time to see what a blessing this baby was. I know there are so many out there that struggle to conceive, and here I was conceiving without even trying or wanting to. It took a pep talk over the phone from Justin two days after the positive tests for me to see the light. Once he got past his fears and reservations, I was able to get past mine too.

It is so hard to imagine how in the world you’re going to love another baby as much as you love your first. I felt horrible about having to give up time with Austin to spend with another baby. I felt like he was being cheated and it broke my heart. I know those are all normal thoughts to have and eventually I got past them. I’m not saying I don’t still have them now, but they don’t put me into panic mode and make me feel like a bad mom like they did then.

I am now in the 2nd trimester, and I wish I could say it has been an uneventful pregnancy thus far. It most definitely has not! I’ll save the update on the last few months for another post, as well as an update on things other than the new baby – like Austin!

Baby Vinson II is due into our world on October 5 and we cannot wait to meet our newest addition!

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